Philip Spiess
A SEASONAL SOLILOQUY AND LAMENT:
"Christmas comes but once a year" . . . so they say. But, alas, in the past year or so, a certain seasonal savor has gone out of the Christmas season. Whether it's thanks to COVID or for some other reason, Christmas's "blessings" now arrive every day -- and usually more than once a day!
I refer to packages. Once upon a time, in my childhood, when a present from a distant aunt or godfather would arrive several days before Christmas, it was a rare treat and excitement galore to anticipate what this annual package might contain. No more, and bah! humbug! to it! Now, instead of shopping at the big box stores downtown or at the mall for presents to appear under the tree, we have big boxes arrive from the stores by way of Amazon, UPS, FedEx, and the U. S. Postal Service DAILY AND ALL THE YEAR 'ROUND, courtesy of on-line ordering. Even in England and Canada, "Boxing Day" is not just the day after Christmas anymore; it's every day, day in and day out. Yes, it's our fault -- but the excitement is gone. Now our dog Haligan, who recognizes each delivery truck (and the type it is) by its sound as it comes up the street, long before it stops in front of the house, announces the arrival of any package (as we no longer have a butler) -- and then goes berserk, because he knows what's coming (and coming again before you can turn around) and hates the noise of opening cardboard (i.e., the "ripping" sound). He cowers under the dining table at my right leg and scratches at me for me to make this awful thing go away. Give me a break, dog!
What about security: packages on the stoop, stupe! -- and you and the neighbors are not home. (The guy who steals the packages -- he sees when you are sleeping; he knows when you're at work!) He stoops to stealing any package, he has to stoop to steal, lift, run -- it gives new meaning to the term "front stoop." But lo! Most of us have "Ring" cameras at our front doors these days, and we can box his ears if we catch him and get our boxes back.
So much for the soliloquy, now for the lament. Taking in the several years' effect of what I have outlined above, I am a sad and sorry failure as a stock investor: I never invested in a cardboard manufacturing plant! I'd be rich today! More cardboard arrives at our (still) humble home on a daily basis than we can consume locally. It doesn't even fit into the recycling bin on a weekly basis. I could have been "the Cardboard King" of North America if I'd invested when I thought of it! H'mm . . . on second thought, the "Cardboard King" doesn't sound so good, does it? Think of what could have happened to me if I'd been caught in the rain (and I often get caught in the rain -- at least lots of people say I'm usually all wet). No, what the Dickens; I should have founded a cardboard firm called "The Sydney Carton Company," with the slogan "It is a far, far better thing that we make, than we have ever done; it is a far, far better place our products go to than they have ever gone."
Happy Holidays, all!
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